Don’t Let The Wolves Getcha!
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Here's what's up.
As you may have seen written on the mirror at the barbershop or on my Instagram, I'm away from August 18-25. My wife's brother is getting married in the Vancouver area, and they didn't take my schedule into account when booking their date. Rude? I mean, of all the weekends in the year they have to pick the second-busiest time for me? Luckily, school doesn't start until after Labour Day this year, finally. Like, who thought it was a good idea to have kids come in for roll call then give them three more days off?
That gives us 6 days to get you cleaned up before school. If you go to school. Or maybe you teach, and you don't want to earn a terrible nickname from the kids on the first day. You know, like, Doc Brown, or Old HairyNeck. Or, The Crazy Janitor Who Teaches English.
(*Janitor is no less respectable than Teacher, just as important. I was just going for effect, and you pictured what I was alluding to, so we're both being judgmental and elitist today. Happy?)
Anyhoo, I'll be doing longer hours for the last week of August to atone for my laziness (a week with extended family, you think that's going to be relaxing?), open Monday to Saturday, 10-7. So get in where you can fit in. If you're just the worst and are bad at planning ahead, message me and I'll see where I can squeeze you in. I'm here for you.
I'M NOT THE WORST, SO I'LL BOOK NOW
Segue Street
Speaking of learning, I don't think there's a human alive (over, say, 20) who didn't grow up on Sesame Street. We don't count the Amish or the North Sentinalese, so don't get clever. What I mean is, we all watched Big Bird and Snuffaluffagus/Snuffleupagus/Grimace and the crew. Nobody has ever looked at a metal garbage can and not thought about Oscar. We were best friends and third roommate/wheel with Bert and Ernie. We sang the Rubber Ducky song. We listened to Ernie preach about washing behind ours ears in the bath. But did we listen? I don't think all of us did.
I'm not naming names, and I'm not trying to be rude here, but alls I'm sayin' is, you need to wash behind your ears when you shower. Simple water running over doesn't get things clean. It doesn't bother me, and I really shouldn't use this platform to shame grown adults into hygiene, but I couldn't stay silent. Because if you're not washing behind your ears, what else aren't you washing?!?
Hands. Increase your hand washing, because back to school time is when those snotty little kids get each other sick, bring it home to their families, get snot all over everything, parents bring it to work, get their co-workers sick, then they go to the barber and wet-sneeze and get the barber sick, who has to take time off work, and this cold and flu season is a bad batch, so the barber is laid up for like two weeks, loses a bunch of customers to other, temporarily healthy, barbers, and next thing you know, his kids are forced to turn to a life of crime, and since the barber has four of them, that's four (4) more criminals on the streets, crime stats get way out of whack, funding gets redirected, services get slashed, the country goes into (yet another) recession, the stock market crashes, the WHOLE WORLD goes into panic mode, there's mayhem in the streets, martial law, piles of smoking rubble, tanks patrolling while a loud speaker drones on about a curfew and rationing, food supplies are altered, livestock are poached and stolen, fences are snipped, allowing coyotes and wolves to feast limitlessly making them stronger and meaner, taking down entire herds of big game which changes entire ecosystems and river erosions, causing landslides, ultimately changing the face of the Earth as we know it, or knew it, since we might not survive this New Earth now dominated by the Wolves and Coyotes, who have formed an alliance (!!!) to become the new top of the food chain (they broke into experimental science labs and now are growing thumbs and vocal chords (!!!)) and the human race is all but extinct, and it's all because you wanted to save 20 seconds in the shower?
Soaping up real good: the future of the human race depends on it.
Maybe I'm just selfish and don't want to get sick.
Anywhey,
You're still handsome and squeaky clean in my books. Enjoy the rest of your summer. Next time you're in, say the Wolves sent you and get 10% off!
Your Second Favourite Barber,
Seth
Seth's Barbershop
4925 48 Street, RED DEER, AB, T4N1S8
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