Goodbye Summertime, Hello Falltime!
I'M GETTING BETTER AT PLANNING! (BOOK NOW)
Happy Autumn, Theydies and Gentlethem. I hope you're as happy as I am that school's back in, without a schedule my world turns to chaos. Not like movie chaos with explosions and riots, but like Chaos Theory, with random or unpredictable behaviour, and as exciting as it can be at times, it's mostly just frustrating. I don't require drill sergeant order, but there needs to be a rudder on the majestic ocean liner that is Seth of The Seas, you know?
We will forego the minutes of last month's meeting. First order of business: The back to school rush was jam packed, thanks for your flexibility and patience. I'm also flexible at times, so if you insist on sucking at time management and remember to get a haircut 24 hours before a wedding or something (I'm looking at you, Chris), message me or add a note on the waitlist request and I can stay late or come in early. I simply want to help, and it's definitely not me being selfish and being fearful of losing a customer to Thomas E. Rifle. I just don't want that to happen to you. I care.
I went to Vancouver and took hardly any pictures, but I had to document gas being barely more expensive than in Red Deer. Blew my mind. Kirsten wasn't much impressed at my gas prices-to-family vacation picture ratio.
Next up: Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving Sunday is October 13th. That's less than 4 weeks away. The week or so before that weekend is a busy one, family photos are being taken, people see their mothers. So, being the broken record I am, plan ahead and book now.
BOOK A CUT AND THEN CALL A MEAT SHOP AND RESERVE A TURKEY
Good news about bad news
A dear regular was in the chair last week and he's usually the friendliest, but that day was subpar. Everything we talked about, current events, the ravages of age, health, etc., was just a downer. Not his fault, I was no help, it happens, some days are just full of crap. And, keep in mind, the chair is there for venting. Let it all out, Seth is here for you. If you need a drink (shifty eyes side to side) I can try to help. So I thought about ways to steer the conversation to positivity. Tell a joke? I only know kid jokes and puns, so that's out.
I'm guilty of unconsciously hunting for misery, I spend too much time on social media. Not on Instagram promoting my business like I should, but on Twitter (you can't change a name so engrained in the common vernacular and expect everyone to follow, anyone remember when Parkland Mall changed names for a brief time?) and Reddit. I go to Twitter because it used to be funny. Now there are very funny tweets surrounded by crazies and bad news. So I justify it by laughing out loud once per hour, while the rest of the time is damaging my psyche by desensitizing and acclimatizing it to garbage. I flip flop between wanting to be an informed citizen and the desire to be blissfully ignorant.
But, as a barber it's my duty to be informed.
("I sat down today in a high barber's chair
to hear the town gossip and clean up my hair
- Afterthought, by Conor Oberst. Look him or his band Bright Eyes up on Spotify, you won't be disappointed)
But I should also be informed of good news, too. If you've spoken to me more than once, you'll know I love spouting off my opinions. Bad habit, but "I am as god made me, sir" (Spinal Tap. Good movie. Look it up.)
So you know what I did? I googled "good news" and "good things that have happened lately". There are ENTIRE WEBSITES all about good news. goodnewsnetwork.org and positive.news were the first two to come up. Nothing world changing, and I didn't dig too deep, so they could be selling something (probably) or they could sell your info to fund a one-way rocket to an asteroid, but the bad news people are doing that, too.
I remembered, Hey, I think there's a subreddit about good news. I searched for it, there it is, it's called UpliftingNews and oh right, I already subscribed to it. But it never shows up because the algorithm is not there to make us happy.
BOOK NOW, OR AFTER THE USUAL MEANDERING STORY. YOUR CALL.
A story.
Reminds me of a time long ago when I was working in a printing press. I wasn't into it, but scurvy had taken my only cow and I had no milk for müsli, so I had to take a job that my Uncle Flinder had lined up for me, which was more a way for him to pay back his gambling debts at the worm races. Anyway, my job was typesetting, and I had to proofread every story before setting the type, which made my fingers sore and my spirit blah. Just blurgh, you know? Just overall mlehhh.
I set out to find good news. I threw down my newsie cap and told Old Mr. Gutenburg, "this job just isn't my type!" and stared at him, waiting for a laugh. "Nothing?" But he just stared. I picked up my hat, angry at the wasted pun, shook out the letters into a bowl of soup, giving him a million dollar idea but I was too rushed to notice. Dagnabbit.
I ran down the street, stopping at every person. "Tell me something good that happened to you recently, wouldja?"
"I lost a tooth!" said little Trompsy, just 6 years old.
"I was digging a root cellar and struck gold!" cheered Lestrich.
"The factory where I work burned down!" said Philonstera. "That's not very good news," I said. "It is for me," he replied as he lit his tobacco pipe and pulled his hat back down over his eyes. "Now get out of my sun."
I wanted to spread the good news all over the valley. So I did.
"Here comes that kid with the good news," they'd say.
"We get it," they'd say.
I decided to write a book instead of walking. It was tiring, after all.
This was in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say dickety because the Kaiser had stolen our word twenty. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles. Then after World War Two, it got kinda quiet, 'til Superman challenged FDR to a race around the world. FDR beat him by a furlong, or so the comic books would have you believe. The truth lies somewhere in between. Three wars back we called Sauerkraut "liberty cabbage" and we called liberty cabbage "super slaw" and back then a suitcase was known as a "Swedish lunchbox." We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Ah, there's an interesting story behind that nickel. In 1957, I remember it was, I got up in the morning and made myself a piece of toast. I set the toaster to three: medium brown. Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
Yes, that last part was Abe Simpson. No, I'm not ashamed of plagiarizing, it was just a little pepper on my good news salad. Besides, a little Simpsons never put anyone in a bad mood. It's also called working smarter, not harder. Look it up.
Thanks for letting me waste your time. I hope to see you soon. Tell me a joke and get 10% off your next cut.
Your Second Favourite Barber,
Seth
P.S. my 10 year old daughter is getting into photography and she used my late uncle's sweet old Pentax 35mm film camera to take the header image of the tree in our front yard, and the one below of two butterflies. as if that's not the most adorable and awesome thing ever.
Seth's Barbershop
4925 48 Street, RED DEER, AB, T4N1S8